I would not say that I am particularly unhappy to be overwhelmed by information in the present moment. However, I am at that point where I am a little uncomfortable. I basically have to speak and comprehend Spanish all day, which I have been used to because of this summer working at camp but the level of Spanish that I have means that I have to be pushed to go beyond the basics of the language. There is a higher standard of precision required in my studies. Which is fabulous on the one hand because my reading, writing, and grammatical skills will naturally increase... but actually challenging because every moment of my class is pushing me to analyze, describe, and talk. There is no waiting for another student to reply or answer, because you are the only one in the class.
Also, with the speakers we have had they have all given us their perspectives on the history of Guatemala. Such very different viewpoints that you have to sort out and contextualize their truths to make your own. This is a challenge. Innundation with information is great but it really stretches your mind in ways that are not particularly easy. In fact, it gets really tiring. I feel that I am using my brain to a fuller capacity but that tires me out. Keeping on going right now is surely the key to overcoming this sense of confusion as to what is true, helplessness in changing difficult things, and general exhaustion from being constantly surrounded by a foreign environment. I really do not even know if this totally makes sense in these words, because it doesn´t quite make sense here. I guess this is what they call culture shock. Though, I don´t feel as much shocked as overwhelmed. But even the feeling of being overwhelmed is somewhat comforting, because I can tell that I am really thinking and being impacted by my surroundings.
The novelty of spending time in a beautiful country that has some of the most diverse animal and plant life, not to mention spectacular views of volcanoes and mountains is still strong. I love this country. However, the reality of the social injustices and problems that the country faces is far from invisible in the landscape. The very negative impact our country´s influence has had on Guatemala is not hidden in the testimonies and stories of the people of Guatemala. The feeling of superiority or guilt that follows seeing the daily differences in way of life here as being much more simple is strong. Living in a country where most people do not have enough to waste is somewhat refreshing as the ties to materialism die down a little. The realization that we really can survive and be happy with much less than what we are used to is helpful. Yet, as much as I know these truths and believe them....
I still miss the comforts of home. Mainly carpet, nice bathrooms where you have good plumbing systems, wireless internet in my house, being able to brush my teeth with the water in the sink, and not having to worry about whether or not the food is safe to eat. These are very minor things really and if I had never experienced them I wouldn´t miss them. However, I think it is okay to realize that compared to the majority of the population I am very privileged given my background. I´d prefer to use this advantage towards the positive and learning, and not to seek power. It´s just a challenging process to adjust to a new style of life here and realize how very much I have and how little of it I really need. A process to learn patience and solidarity.... not a comfortable experience totally, but I know that in the end pushing through the uncomfortable feelings will be worth it.
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